From Floating on to Paddling

 

I am ready for fall, Autumn.

I am tired of this hot and miserable summer.

It mostly rained anyways.

Sounds a lot like me still trying to adult.

Surprise, I am still struggling. I know you are not surprised, because I make my struggles very known. But my storm cloud was over me much like it was over this summer.

The clouds have left my shine darkened. Thunder has shaken me. And lightning left me shocked and burnt instead of inspired.

And we all know that when it rains, it pours.

Lately I have been questioning why I wasn’t prepared with an umbrella? Would an umbrella even helped? Rain coat? Boots?

But those questions only aide in me drowning in my sorrows. And while it was good to feel the rain, I can’t stay there. Going with the flow for a while helped me not stay stagnant. But I eventually needed to actually try to paddle.

And I have been paddling. After my whole race and life on track blog post, I really broke through with a lot mentally.

I started to make an effort to things I wanted in my life.

Yes, I still have this need to help people, be there for people, and love people. But I have had to scale back a lot. And man, it is tough. I still care for everyone. I am just caring for myself more.

The only person I have given more of my time to is my boyfriend. But with him everything is different. He has helped me to continue on my growth. We talk through so many things. And with him I can breathe. All of my planning and forcing things to be in place, have kind of stopped. With him I am just sure. That is huge for me. I still plan on a lot, but timelines now seem irrelevant. All I know is I want more time with him.

 

And in spending more time with myself for myself, my adulting is getting better again. I am eating healthy more regularly. I am exercising more regularly. Reading again. Writing more. Organizing more.

There she is. The happy not depressed me. The me whose ideas and planning and creativity keep me afloat.

 

I am trying to be more consistent and routine so that I can depend on myself. I crave it, so I am finding it to give to myself.

 

With that I am hoping to blog more. I know that I am not afraid to express myself. I talk a lot, I am opinionated, I think in weird ways, and write it all down to make sense of it. I hope that my words can spark something in others. I hope they can be a helping hand, an interest to learn more, a contrast to debate, or a story to not feel alone. I am hoping that my ideas on expressing my thoughts will also continue to be therapeutic.