I just broke.
What broke me you ask?
What a silly question, is it not 2020?
In all seriousness, what broke me for some reason is the Renaissance
Festival being canceled for this year. Literally everything is canceled for
this year and is “rescheduled” for next year.
And what I think broke me is that I literally need ANYTHING
to look forward to, this year!
I still have months of this year left and it looks really
fucking bleak.
So fine, I will plan the FUCK out of next year. Already have
a lot of runs and a half marathon planned and paid for. Will use my two years
for one King’s Island pass a lot. I will go to all the sporting events. I will
go to Ren Fest. I will go to too many concerts and festivals. And on that note,
I want to do a cruise that my favorite band is hosting.
But you know what sucks about making plans as a single
female???
EVERYTHING.
I need to plan to do everything with someone because being a
single female by yourself anywhere is dangerous. Do you know how frustrating
that is?
I want to hike, can’t alone, might get raped or murdered.
I want to go to a concert, can’t alone, might get raped or
murdered.
I want to travel, can’t alone, might get raped, murdered,
sold into sex slavery.
Like it’s frustrating how many of the things I want to do in
my life revolves around other people being able to do it with me as well. All
because men can’t control themselves and not rape and murder. Like fuck.
So, I really want to look forward to the holidays. I already
bought Halloween decorations, and wanted to just put them up. I already am watching
horror movies because they are more comforting than real life. But after the
season of making friends with ghosts, comes the gathering fun.
I have disowned both of my parents. So family gatherings are
really emotionally trying for me. I love that my sisters and I do things with
their families. I love that my cousin who is like a sister to me has me come to
the family meal. But I don’t know. Returning home to a decorated empty house
sucks. It will suck more if I can’t even leave it due to Covid.
I am working through a lot right now. I am using this
isolation to heal a lot of wounds I have gathered over the years to help me be
my best self in the new year.
BUT SO HELP ME
If next year isn’t a great fucking year. If next year I can’t
go to stuff because I would have to alone.
Maybe, I will lose the rest of my mind.
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