Heart shaped Balloon

 

A small hand has a balloon tethered to it.

The balloon is popped by her parents.

The child cries.

 

The child gets older and sees other children that still have their balloons.

The child wishes she could have a balloon like theirs.

 

The young woman starts to look for that balloon elsewhere.

A young man offers one to her.

She takes it.

He ties the string too tight around her hand.

It hurts.

But she is happy to just have a balloon.

Her husband pops the balloon.

The divorced woman finally cuts the too tight string away.

 

The woman finds herself blowing up balloons herself.

Filling them with hot air of despair of ever being able to tie the knot to keep it.

They all deflate in swirls around her spinning through the air.

No strings attached.

 

A man takes the opportunity of her need.

He convinces her to again blow up a balloon herself.

He ties it to a string and gives it to her.

She smiles.

She has a balloon now.

But he then cuts the string. And takes the balloon to another.

 

 

The woman gets more balloons.

One balloon didn’t float.

One balloon was over inflated.

One balloon was under inflated.

And one balloon the string slipped out of her hinds and into the wind.

 

The woman again found herself jealous of all the others who had this balloon.

Why had no one shown her how to keep a balloon?

Were balloons even real?

Always tied to a string and just out of reach.

 

The woman daydreamed of a balloon sweeping her off her fleet.

Maybe to cloud nine.

Hopeless romantic.

But mostly hopeless.

 

8-8-2020

2020 Broke Me and being a lonely woman doesn't help

 

I just broke.

What broke me you ask?

What a silly question, is it not 2020?

In all seriousness, what broke me for some reason is the Renaissance Festival being canceled for this year. Literally everything is canceled for this year and is “rescheduled” for next year.

And what I think broke me is that I literally need ANYTHING to look forward to, this year!

I still have months of this year left and it looks really fucking bleak.

So fine, I will plan the FUCK out of next year. Already have a lot of runs and a half marathon planned and paid for. Will use my two years for one King’s Island pass a lot. I will go to all the sporting events. I will go to Ren Fest. I will go to too many concerts and festivals. And on that note, I want to do a cruise that my favorite band is hosting.

But you know what sucks about making plans as a single female???

EVERYTHING.

I need to plan to do everything with someone because being a single female by yourself anywhere is dangerous. Do you know how frustrating that is?

I want to hike, can’t alone, might get raped or murdered.

I want to go to a concert, can’t alone, might get raped or murdered.

I want to travel, can’t alone, might get raped, murdered, sold into sex slavery.

Like it’s frustrating how many of the things I want to do in my life revolves around other people being able to do it with me as well. All because men can’t control themselves and not rape and murder. Like fuck.

 

So, I really want to look forward to the holidays. I already bought Halloween decorations, and wanted to just put them up. I already am watching horror movies because they are more comforting than real life. But after the season of making friends with ghosts, comes the gathering fun.

I have disowned both of my parents. So family gatherings are really emotionally trying for me. I love that my sisters and I do things with their families. I love that my cousin who is like a sister to me has me come to the family meal. But I don’t know. Returning home to a decorated empty house sucks. It will suck more if I can’t even leave it due to Covid.

I am working through a lot right now. I am using this isolation to heal a lot of wounds I have gathered over the years to help me be my best self in the new year.

BUT SO HELP ME

If next year isn’t a great fucking year. If next year I can’t go to stuff because I would have to alone.

Maybe, I will lose the rest of my mind.