Its finally here!
Time to binge watch and bawl my eyes out to season two of 13 Reasons Why.
But before I do I want to retouch on the subject of the show.
The best thing about this show is the discussions it can create. We need to not only support our survivors, but to develop culture change. In order to do that we need to talk about the very real and difficult topics in this show.
Suicide
Sexual assault
Victim Blaming
Slut Shaming
Bullying
Mental Health
All of these are very real and need talked about more to rid the stigma.
I remember in my seventh grade health class we talked about suicide. One day in particular really stuck out in my mind. We had a practice where we listed reasons why kids our age committed suicide. We came up with more than 13 reasons, we came up with 27. They included moving, divorced parents, no friends, death in family, etc. All very real hard situations for a seventh grader to go in. My teacher pointed out that all of us were struggling with one or two of these things. That fact shows that life is tough for all of us and is no reason to kill ourselves. Then….then she said something that personally hit me. She continued, a little under her breath in a tone with a smirk, “Now if you had 23 of these wrong with you, you probably should kill yourself.” I was sitting there with 24 of the reasons I was struggling with personally. My teacher okayed my suicide if I so wished it. And this was my health class.
She didn't know that starting at the age of nine I starting picturing my funeral. If I were to rid the world of me, and be a bother no more, who would miss me. I would picture who all I thought would show up to my funeral. I never thought about killing myself though, or tried. I would just want to die sometimes.
Some people do plan courses of action. Some people do attempt suicide. Some people try multiple times. Some succeed. Suicide is real.
Even if it is a cry for attention, listen. They need that attention! If they just need someone there, someone to listen, someone to express feelings to, or mental health help. It's ok to ask for help!!!! Be there for someone, and don't judge them for feeling how they felt. Just be there for them.
I decided for myself that despite having every reason to kill myself, that I would find reason to live. I had more terrible things happen to me that has lead me to a deep depression. However I choose to not end my book. I am trying to turn my victim story into a survivor story where I am a hero to myself. My book doesn't end here, that chapter does. The next page could be the plot twist needed to show that I lived for a reason. If even to just share how I managed, so others who are lost may have a guide.
Sexual assault has been being addressed more. The me too movement has been huge. So many people are coming forward with their stories and are setting boundaries. We need to keep this discussion open.
I was sexually assaulted on a family vacation by a security guard at a neighboring resort. I chose to share my story to heal from it. I did not get justice or retribution in any way. I did however get a voice to stand up and talk about it so that I can heal.
Victim blaming goes with sexual assault, and it shouldn't. A person should not touch another sexually unless they have confirmed the other person wants that contact. Yes means yes and that's it. Confirming a wanted touch does not kill the mood, just like asking about birth control shouldn't. The assaulter is to blame, they did the assaulting. I also believe false accusers need to stop because it adds fuel to the disbelief of those able to speak up about their story. We need to trust the victim and blame the assaulter.
I blamed myself for being drunk and wearing a summer dress that night. I blamed myself for not getting a better look at his face or getting DNA evidence. But that is what culture has taught me to do. On vacation most are almost naked and drinking, that is no excuse to violate another person. The assaulter is to blame. Not me.
Slut Shaming is similar. A person can choose to have sex if they want to or not. It should not matter the gender. Who cares how many people one has been with before you as long as they found you. As long as all are practicing safe sex, let people be. Women need sex as much as men do. Sex just needs to stop being “dirty". It is the practice of furthering the existence of our race. Orgasms are beneficial for men and women. If we embrace making love, then we can stop viewing women as unpure. Because seriously, not everyone wants to be a delicate flower, so pluck it!!!
I personally choose to be open about my summer that I was sexually active. I learned a lot about myself that summer after a relationship that accused me of being prude. I grew in my self confidence, learned what I liked and didn't like, and what I wanted and didn't want. I embrace my sexuality. Everyone should.
Bullying. It all comes down to a person's outward projection of cruelty in order to build themselves up. Cut another down to feel taller. Point out the others flaws to ignore their own. Can we just learn to love ourselves and accept ourselves. In a society that judges each other for entertainment, we need to just constructively criticize. Help others be better versions of themselves. If not, be quiet. Why do you feel the need to bully, what is wrong with YOU. Fix that. Then reproach.
Society framed my mind to judge other women so much. I am working on my filter in my brain that wants to criticize. What good is that negative thinking doing them or me????
Finally, mental health. It is a serious problem. Over all health needs to be from the mind outward. We have a failed health system, especially when it comes to mental disorders and addiction. There is the biggest disconnect in how to treat mental health. We need to be open about it, start discussions, reach out to others, be accepting and do what we can to get resources for help. Outpatient therapy, in house therapy, and behavioral health clinics need increased. Mental health needs more health insurance coverage.
I finally asked for help with my major depressive disorder and anxiety. I am also speaking up about having it. I am trying to function in this world the same as anyone else. The stigma needs lifted so more can seek help.
These are just small thoughts on big issues addressed in this show. This is just to get some discussion started. Talk! Discuss! Make a difference!
I am ready to see what season two will bring up!
